It's got me thinking (and most of you as well, I'd imagine) about the likes of intentions, resolutions, promises, goals,calendars, last year, this year, priorities, possibilities and good old fashioned everyday "to-do" lists. I've got my big laminated erase-able year-at-a-glance calendar spread out so I can envision the year that lies ahead in do-able, foresee-able chunks.Also known as days, weeks, months and seasons.There aren't that many it turns out. I had a little pinch-me moment when I realized that what I had filled in for 2015 was more than just a wish list. It was an actually get-it-done list. And I did get it done. Seriously?! Me?! I even have witnesses because I went public with a lot of the business part of it. I even had a few "team members" that kept me accountable. And they got paid. This was the real thing. And the comforting thought as I embark on the new year is all the pieces are in place to have another go. I don't have to start from scratch this time. I can refine and augment and enhance and improvise.
I really don't think I could face another year of "starting over." A new diary, a new job, a new mentor. This will be a year for growing the garden of creativity that I cultivated and built all last year. I removed boulders and built an amazing dry wall perimiter. I unearthed old tree stumps and chainsawed a burly sculpture. I tilled the tangled sod and double-dug in the compost. I did a little seed saving from previous harvests. I said a blessing.
To keep with the gardening metaphor, what I have before me is a beautiful, lush, fecund, fertile field. Loamy and deeply amended.
Gently furrowed, begging to receive the seed of this year's imagination and journey. As I stand at the edge of this earthen canvas, I survey the potential that lies before me. It's still winter so all is in its dormant phase. We are hibernating until the longer days return and warm us into action again.
So, what to plant?! It's tempting to drag out the seed catalogs and hang about at the gardening supply store. It's tempting to get out the watercolors and create a sparkling map of the garden design. It's tempting to start making a Plan.
I've always worked for myself: as an artist, a solo-preneur, an independent contractor, a business owner. I've rarely had a boss or a manager to hand me my duties of the day, a check list to tic off and know I'm getting through the tasks required of me. I've mostly had to be that for myself so over the years I've gotten really good at lists and prioritizing tasks and envisioning timelines. It's what I do at the start of each day and each week and each month and each year. I've gotten quite a bit done.
But today I was thinking about what keeps it all going? Making a living for one. Wanting to achieve and improve. Wanting to be useful and effective at my craft. But, what if I had to tell someone else how to do it? How to convey the process of self-motivation to another? It comes up in part due to the challenge of working with clients who are looking to make changes to their lives for increased well being, self respect and creative expression. What would be the greatest take-away if they looked to me for guidance? What is that kernal of wisdom that I know I could impart and watch it become part of their own process?
Perhaps I'd answer that question of motivation differently today than in the past. Because what came to me today, in a nutshell, was that I've found and practiced ways to give myself little rewards for my actions. That's different than solely being motivated by the fear of falling behind, getting stuck or failing. It might sound trite or a little corny, but the reward of finishing a job bit by bit and recognizing the fact with a little happy dance brings a large task or goal into a manageable scale.
To be honest, I'm not that "driven" to achieve. I'm pretty lazy.
I always have some secret thing I'd rather be doing. There's the Internet. And Facebook. And books. And mindless chores. The fridge. All the little distractions that call out when you have a deadline, a "have-to," a goal, a promise, etc. What unlocks the doing when you could easily say "later" or "tomorrow" or "I'll just move my due date out?" You could scare yourself into action with all the bad results of not doing something. All the ways you will be punished or stuck or fail. I think in the past I've used this on myself a lot. The fear of falling through the cracks.
Somewhere along the way there's been a shift. I just talk to myself differently. Now it sounds more like: Ok, there are 3 things that need to be done by Friday. Today's Monday, so if you do one thing a day you'll get done in time plus have a little wiggle room if you need it. And when you've done all three things, whether it's Wednesday or Friday you will have an opening. Breathing room. Cause for a mini celebration. A pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead or a big hug depending on your style. The grace comes from practicing and focusing and being your own project manager, incentive fairy and rewarding source.
Essentially, we're all working for ourselves. So,when things get vague and diffuse and you get distracted by the lure of "other stuff," can you learn to find pleasure in the doing and not just the dreaming stages? It may feel dull and repetitive sometimes. Or it can feel grounding and balancing. Each of us has to find the thing that gets us up each morning. What get us through the winter, our hibernation, up from our nap, back from the retreat.
So I challenge you as I challenge myself, to remember the pleasure of moving the body, completing a simple task, a break in the clouds, the touch of a friend. To reward yourself each time, even if it's only a small part of a little bigger something. A big to-do list may look all official and organized but it can paralyze and overwhelm. I think we often put too much on the list. We plan too much. Expect too much. Shop too much. Eat too much. Punish and deny ourselves too much. When we have a little space we fill it up and when it's gone, it's gone. Maybe this year, leave the little in between spaces open. Enjoy the quiet. Enjoy the dark. Finish the little things. Turn your To-Do List into a To-Be List! I love it!
Well, there's a whole year for more of these musings and ramblings. Join me or humor me. I'd love to hear how you're getting on.....
